Tuesday, November 25, 2014

You're Absolutely Right

    I'd like to take a minute to talk, not about the facts of the Ferguson case, because we could debate all day back and forth about bullet wound locations and eyewitness accounts and the personal backgrounds of both Darren Wilson and Michael Brown.  I just want to take a minute to explain why this whole situation is so unbelievably heartbreaking, and should be no matter what "side" of this issue you stand on.
    In the past few days, I’ve been accused of being very emotional and too privileged to really understand the issues that I have very passionately spoken against.  I’ve also been told that the people of Ferguson are only protesting for their own personal gain.  And I would like to take a minute to acknowledge that all of the above statements are absolutely true; just not the way these people think they are.
    It's true, I am emotional about the situation in Ferguson, but I would like to remind you of something; regardless of the facts, a teenage boy DIED.  When a white boy is sent to jail for just a few years for violently raping a girl and then sharing video footage of it on social media, people mourn the loss of his bright future.  When a white boy shoots up a school, people label him as misunderstood and blame it on violent video games.  When an unarmed black boy is shot half a dozen times by a white cop, people say he was a thug and that he deserved it because he robbed a store.  Forget for a minute about all the facts and biases we’ve been fed on both sides, and just think about that.  Because the people who are reacting this way also don’t have all the facts.  There are people in this country who literally think it’s okay to shoot a black kid because he stole something from a store.  That’s all they need to hear.  Sometimes more than they need.  But in this country, the penalty for shoplifting isn’t death without trial, no matter who you are.  So yes.  Yes, I’m very emotional about this.  And I’m shocked and bitterly disappointed that there are people who aren’t. 
    As I stated above, I have also been told that I’m too privileged to understand this situation.  And that’s true.  I am too privileged to truly understand racism.  And it would take away from the immense suffering of people I care deeply about to pretend otherwise.  But things will never change if the privileged leave it to the oppressed to pull themselves up to a place of equality.  Equality is something that we need to accomplish together.  Instead of an “us/them” mentality, what we need is an “all of us” mentality.  We have to work together, not ignoring differences, but celebrating them.  Instead of taking a stance of “not my problem,” we need to make racism everyone’s problem.  
    Many people with white privilege are angry, because they don’t want to acknowledge the fact that they have said privilege.  It’s a very difficult thing to do, because then you have to admit that you have things you didn’t work for, or that you had to work way less for than someone else who is equally qualified, but of a different race.  Admitting that you have privilege means staring injustice in the face.  It means taking responsibility for the ways you have contributed to the institution of racism, both consciously and otherwise.  It means straying away from the cliché that is “I didn’t mean to,” or “I didn’t start it,” and moving into a place of active work toward progress.  And I understand why people deny that they have privilege; because really seeing racism for what is, is heartbreaking.  It’s so much easier to pretend that it doesn’t exist.  It’s so much easier to tell yourself that the reason why this group or that group is poor, hungry, lacks advanced education, is because they’re lazy.  They don’t have what you have because they’re not willing to work for it.  Bullshit.  [And there are, I’m sure, several people reading this that are more upset that the missionary just cussed than that people are being oppressed and killed in their own country.  Think about that.]  
    Ferguson isn’t in East Asia, or South America, or the Middle East.  It’s in Missouri.  And that terrifies us.  Because we see that racism isn’t a foreign or outdated thing.  It’s literally happening right here, right now.  And the fact that this is so terrifying for us is why many of the people who can afford to ignore it, do just that.  I mean, how could this possibly be a real issue when we’re safe and warm and our children aren’t being killed in the streets?  So we tell ourselves that since the problem isn’t, we believe, directly affecting us, racism must be over now. A thing of the past, and definitely not something that we contribute to.  I mean, how can you be racist when you have a black friend you get along so well with?  Never mind that they’re a person, not an accessory that you can wear as a sign to others of how cool and tolerant you are.  Never mind that you call her Tish, even though her name is La’Tishia, because that’s too hard or too long a name for you.  No it’s not.  You can say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, and triskaidekaphobia, and the word encyclopedia just rolls off the tongue, but you won’t give a human being the courtesy of learning their name?  Their name isn’t the issue. It’s the fact that we live in a society where people think it’s perfectly acceptable to ask people to change or shorten their names as a matter of convenience.
   I understand why people don’t want to acknowledge racism, and the subsequent privilege they receive from it.  It’s because they’re comfortable where they are, and they don’t know what they possibly could do to help.  Or maybe they know, but are unwilling to follow through.  But it’s true what they say; admitting that you have a problem is the first step toward fixing it.
    Which brings me to my last point: Ferguson protestors are, indeed, only in it for their own personal gain.  They are looking to gain safety.  They are looking to gain equality, justice, answers.  They are looking to live in the kind of world where they don’t have to coach their young people on how not to be killed during a routine traffic stop, or while walking home.  They are looking to gain something that so many people already have.  And those of us who have what they want don’t have to give anything up in order for them to get it, save for our ignorance and our silence.  I won't say all the protesters are peaceful.  Nor will I say that looting and the like isn't occurring.  But a lot of these people have lost all hope that they will ever be heard; that anything will ever change, and are willing to do absolutely anything to be heard.  And there are some who will take advantage of this situation just to raise a little hell.  Don't let the few extremists that are being covered in the media take away from the hard work and determination of the peaceful many.  Peaceful protests don't sell papers.  Riots sell papers.  

Monday, November 24, 2014

Giving Tuesday

Next Tuesday, December 2nd, is Giving Tuesday.  This means that the first $1,000,000.00 donated to the United Methodist Advance at midnight Monday night/Tuesday morning will be matched dollar for dollar.  Please consider whether you feel called to make a donation this year.  Any amount helps, large or small.  100% of donations made to US-2 missionaries go toward helping to recruit, train and transport the next class of young adults.  Without the help of the missionaries before me, I never would have been able to go on this amazing journey.  Please help me pay it forward on December 2nd.  I understand that there are many people who care very much about me, but are unable to give financially.  As always, your prayers and encouragement mean more to me than you know.  And to those of you who have already been blessing me, with prayers, with financial support, with an encouraging word or a listening ear, I would just like to say thank you.  You will never know just how much you mean to me.  

If you are interested in giving online, please visit this link on Tuesday:Sarah Mudge's Advance

Thank you for going on this adventure with me!

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Goodbye Seattle! Hello...??

So... I've been trying to decide how to write this post.  I've been dealing with some pretty big stuff lately, but then again, so is everyone who's reading this.  We're always working toward the next big thing in our lives.  Mine just came up sooner than I expected, I guess.  

Some of you may be wondering why my two week vacation to New York turned into an indefinite stay.  To put it bluntly, my relationship with Mary's Place has ended.  I no longer live in Seattle, Washington, and I am making plans to go back and pack my things.  I had a pretty good idea that things with my placement site were over before I came home, but couldn't be sure.  I put in a request soon after I came home to be reassigned at a new placement site.  I am not finished with the US-2 program, and am planning on continuing that service until I complete my two year term in July of 2015.  For those of you who are reading this from Seattle, I want you to know that I loved my time with you.  I loved the people I worked with, and the friends I made.  I loved the relationships I built and the work I was able to do.  And I still love you guys, even though I can't stay with you any longer.  Unfortunately, the job became something I was no longer willing or able to do.  I won't get into the gritty details, because I don't think that's appropriate now.  I'm not looking to alter anyone's opinions of anyone else, nor do I think it's necessary to rehash the past in order to move forward.  I don't regret my time in Seattle.  I think it's safe to say I'm a completely different person now than I was a year ago.  I'm much more sure of myself.  I'm much more able and much more likely to stand up for myself.  I think overall I've become a much stronger person.  And I will always be grateful for my time there.

Moving forward, I'll be spending time in Upstate New York, travelling and telling others about the Global Missions Fellows Program.  If you're interested in having me come to talk at your church/youth group/what have you, please let me know (you can email me at smudgelovesjesus@hotmail.com).  I would be more than happy to include you in my summer tour.  Sometime this summer, I'm hoping to be reassigned to a new placement site.  When I know where I'll be going, I'll let y'all know.  For now, I'm enjoying my time with my family, getting to know my nieces and nephew, reconnecting with loved ones and having fun adventures.  Sometime soon, I'll have to write another blog post about my time at annual conference.  That was so fun and such a great experience. 

In the meantime, thank you for your prayers and support.  And for those of you who have been walking through this with me, I can't tell you how much I love and appreciate you.  Standing up for myself has never been my strong suit, and your love and encouragement has really been invaluable to me.  I have learned so much about myself through this process.  And I have also learned so much about the people who stand behind me.  I have never had to feel alone or abandoned, no matter how hard things got, because I know I have the love and support of so many amazing, strong people.  The love I have been shown in the past month is a reflection of the love I have been shown not only throughout my service as a US-2, but truly my whole life, and I know moving forward that those people will continue to be there for me.  So, thank you.  

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Foot-Washing

So, I usually sleep until 10:30 on Thursday mornings.  I don't have to be to work until noon, and I am my mother's daughter; I love staying in bed as late as I can get away with it.  This morning, however, I was covering a shift for someone else, and had to be at work by 9:00am.  Not my favorite.  So when my alarm went off at 7:30, then 7:35, 7:40.... (You see where I'm going with this) all the way to 8:05, you can imagine I was a bit cranky.  At least I was covering floor shifts, which I like way better than working with the kids sometimes, because I love working with the single ladies.  I love spending time with them and getting to hear their stories.  Five year-olds are great, but they don't really have a lot of stories about "back in the day."  But not getting my day to sleep in, combined with a headache made me wish that my day was already over, which is not the greatest feeling when you're forty-five minutes into a twelve-hour day.

By 10:00, my day took a positive turn.  We were busy trying to get the ladies to come into the meeting room for group when I saw a few ladies putting towels on the backs of chairs.  Another woman was standing next to a cart that had three buckets full of suds and a few mismatched bottles of lotion they grabbed from the donation room.  I completely forgot today was Holy Thursday.  Apparently, it's a tradition at Mary's Place to have a foot-washing on Holy Thursday.

Now, for those of you that don't know, I was born with a slight birth defect in my feet that caused my toes to develop differently from most people's (see cutie-patootie picture below).  I don't know the technical name for it, nor have I ever really cared to find out.  I've always been pretty proud of my toes, having inherited them from my grandma.  I still wear flip-flops, and I don't mind people asking questions about them, making up different stories for the kids at work about how they got that way - the most recent being that a shark bit them off before I beat the shark up.  The moral of the story is always that you should listen to me because I beat up a shark once.

Look at those adorable teeny-tiny toes!
Also, the background is sparkly 'cause it's my scarf.  It would've been my rug, but I need to vacuum....



But while I'm perfectly comfortable having people see my feet (which I've come to think are pretty adorable), I've never been that comfortable with having people touch them.  I'm always worried about what they'll think; if they'll be grossed out, if they won't want to touch them, if they'll have all these different thoughts about how they got that way or if there's something wrong with me.  So instead of enjoying the opening prayer and worship song for the service, I was taking that time to comfort myself with thoughts about how this was really just for the guests, and the staff wouldn't be expected or allowed to participate.  Those thoughts both comforted and disappointed me.  Because while I was nervous, there was still a part of me that wanted to participate.  Then I looked down and saw that my coworkers were barefoot.  So, I guess the whole, "I'm staff and this is for the clients" thing wasn't gonna work.

For all my worrying, I ended up being the first person whose feet were washed.  A kind older woman whose name I still don't know half-knelt and half-fell down in front of me, placed my feet in the bucket and began to lovingly massage my feet in the soapy water.  It was then I felt that still small voice we sometimes find very easy to ignore nudge its way into my internal monologue.  And I was reminded that Jesus did this for all of his disciples, even Judas.  The creator of the universe, the Son of God knelt down in front of the men he loved, knowing all of their flaws, and took the time to wash their feet.  I have to imagine he didn't just half-heartedly splash a little water on their feet, but that he took time to wash each one in a loving, personal way.  I was also reminded that God gave me my feet.  He gave me my little tiny toes, and he loved them.  He loved me.  And it was in that moment that I saw Christ in the middle-aged woman kneeling before me.  I don't know if she knew that her hands were God's hands, but as she gently toweled them off, and took the time to rub lotion into my sore heels and tired calf muscles, I could feel the presence of God.

I guess the big take-away from this is that God really loves us, flaws and all.  And I'm not just talking about the physical flaws.  I'm talking about all those things you try to hide from Him.  All those things you try to hide from yourself.  I don't care what anyone says; I don't believe there's anything you can do to make God stop loving you.  There was a long time in my life where I thought God wouldn't forgive me for the things I'd done.  I felt like I had asked for forgiveness for the same things too many times, and that one of those times I would ask Him to forgive me and He'd just get fed up with me.  "This?  Again?!"  I was afraid of running out of chances.  But I honestly think God looks at our sins more like wounds that need healing than bad behavior that needs punishing.  And yeah, sometimes the healing hurts.  I remember all too clearly getting a big splinter in my hand while playing at Camp Aldersgate as a little kid.  It was so deep, my dad had to dig it out with tweezers.  It hurt so bad to get it out, but it couldn't stay in my hand.  It would just get infected, and I'd be worse of in the long run.  My dad didn't yell at me for getting hurt.  He patiently cradled my tiny hand in his big one and painstakingly worked at it until he got it out.  I could see how much he hated to cause me any pain, but he knew leaving me like that would just hurt me more later.  Just like that, God heals our wounds, but sometimes the healing hurts.  But He's willing to go through that pain with us; to gently cradle us in His arms and love us through it. Sometimes, that means the pain getting worse before it gets better.  Sometimes that means God getting down on your level and helping you to dig what's hurting you out of your life.
And sometimes that means God becoming man, putting on the flesh of a humble servant, not coming alongside you, but coming as a servant before you to wash your feet.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Hi Mom and Dad!!

I have at least (and usually only) one pageview every single day, which I am fairly convinced is one of my parents checking to see if I've posted anything new yet.  So, I'm writing you a message to say hi, I hope you have a fantastic day and I love you very much.  And if it makes you feel any better, I am working on another post that'll hopefully be up soon.  I just have a hard time finishing a thought before my brain moves on to the next thing, so I start with an idea for a blog post and end up writing about eight different things and never actually get to the point.  But yeah, soon.  Love you!

Monday, January 13, 2014

Look Mom, a Blog Post!!

So, as you all probably know by now, I'm pretty bad at writing on this blog. But there are a few things that come with the new year; resolutions and nostalgia. So I'm beginning my new year by making a resolution to blog more. And my first post this year? Sarah Mudge's 2013 year in review! Most of you know how scary and exciting this year has been, and while I know what a horrible cliche it is to compare it to a roller coaster, the metaphor fits. So without further ado, here's a sampling of the major events that occurred this year:

January 14th - Started my last semester of college
Or at least, what I thought was my last semester of college. I guess I'll still count it as the last one, considering the summer semester was both unexpected and fairly brief. More on that one later.

January 29th - Dorothy Mudge passed away

This was probably the most significant loss in my life so far. My grandmother was a huge support and encouragement to me. She was a kindred spirit and I will always miss her. But I've learned to celebrate the times I had with her, instead of mourning for things she won't be there for.

February 15th - Submitted application for US-2 programs
I remember this day as the day I successfully completed the longest and most invasive application EVER. This submission was followed immediately by a two-day car ride to Florida for winter break, which was awesome! (The vacation, not the car ride, though I enjoyed the car ride as well. There was lots of music, reading and some much-needed sleep.) We stayed at a friend's home in Florida where we got to see manatees, go to the beach, and, among many other fun activities, we got to enjoy the fact that we weren't outside in below-zero weather shoveling snow. ^_^

March 14th - Major Changes
This was the day I dropped my senior capstone and switched my major from Studio Art to Cross-Disciplinary Studies in art and psychology. There's more about that story in my previous posts if you're interested.

March 23rd - Found out Ben and Danielle were pregnant!!
So, my brother's birthday is March 17th, and his wife contacted us to set up a surprise birthday party for him. Ya' know, because 26 is one of those big milestone birthdays you don't want to miss. Little did we know, the surprise was for us. The birthday party was just a clever way to get us all in one place so they could tell us they were pregnant! (Well, Danielle was at any rate.)

April 3rd-6th - Interview and Discernment Days, NYC
For four days in April, I got to take time away from classes and head down to New York City to spend time with some of the amazing people from Global Ministries. I was super nervous and also super excited. The whole experience was amazing as were the people that I met.

The rest of April and the beginning of May were filled with the types of shenanigans that seniors in college do with other seniors in college when celebrating their impending graduation. Don't worry, no laws were broken (I don't think. Though there may have been some jaywalking. Wait... I KNOW there was some jaywalking... oops).

May 7th - Accepted
I found out four days before graduation that I had been accepted into the US-2 program. That was kind of a big week for me.

May 11th - GRADUATION!
Yup. I wore my cap and gown, I didn't trip, and at the end, there were flowers and lots of pictures. It was an awesome day, but also a sad day. Because graduation doesn't come without saying lots of goodbyes. I lived in a townhouse last year with five other ladies, and we were an awesome bunch. It was sad to see that adventure end.

May 13th - Summer school
That was the day that my summer semester started. I had to take two psychology classes and a senior capstone class in order to actually complete the degree I had pretended to receive two days prior. I was really glad that when I changed majors, they were offering those classes over the summer and that I wouldn't have to go back for another semester in the fall. And as long as you're only a small number of credits away from finishing, they let you walk with your class. My summer semester was actually a really great one, and I expected it to be terrible. There were way too many of us crammed into one tiny dorm. But aside from fighting over the kitchen space, the washer only being available at two in the morning and having about a dozen mini-fridges plugged in in random places throughout the building, it was a lot of fun. In fact, sometimes it's those weird, inconvenient, messed up circumstances that make for the best stories.

May 24th - Another loss
On May 24th, 2013 Dylan Parmele passed away. He was 21 years old. He was a wonderful, funny, loving guy and we still miss him. He was a friend from Koinonia, and I wish I could have known him better.
-I still remember the day I met him. As is usual at Koinonia, everyone had just arrived and was hugging all of their friends that they hadn't seen in a while. Dylan was going to each person, yelling their names and then grabbing them up in a big hug. He got to me, and since he didn't know me, I expected he would introduce himself. Nope. He just kept hugging.
"HANNAH!" *hugs Hannah*
"I DON'T KNOW YOU!!" *hugs me*
I have to say, that's a great way to meet someone.

June 7th - Left Roberts
So, I still had an online class I had to finish, but my on-campus college experience ended on June 7th when my two summer intensive courses ended. Surprisingly enough, it was sad leaving that cramped dorm behind.

July 5th - FREEDOM!
And this was the day I actually finished my undergraduate education. Once I hit "submit" on my final test in Developmental Psychology, I was actually and officially a college graduate. Most people celebrate that particular milestone in a cap and gown. I had already done that. My real celebration happened in my parents' kitchen. I was wearing pajamas and toasted the end of that particular stage of my education with a glass of cran-apple.

July 23rd - Training
I really had no idea what I was in for when I packed up and headed back down to NYC for three weeks of training with Global Ministries. There was a lot of information crammed into those three weeks. There were stunning revelations and uncomfortable truths. There were also amazing people and fun experiences. One thing that I found ironic about our time together was that while they warned us that serving in our placement sites would change us significantly, they failed to mention that the changes we would go through actually began the moment our feet hit the pavement in New York.

August 12th - Bekah's birthday!
My big sister turned 28 that day. Oh yeah, and I guess I should also mention that was the day I was commissioned as a missionary for the United Methodist Church. Our commissioning was awesome, and a much bigger deal than I had originally expected. There was a big worship service and at the end of it, we were all individually commissioned and prayed for and we all got dressed up and lots of people took pictures of us. It was a good day, but also a sad day. Because like graduation, it was also a day of goodbyes. Or at least, see-ya-laters, which are much better than goodbyes, but still kind of sad.

August 23rd - Moving day!
a.k.a. The day I packed my bags and flew clear across the country to go live with complete strangers in a place I'd never even been close to visiting. Yeah, that day. That was actually a pretty good day. People should do insane things more often.

September wasn't exactly a boring month, trust me. But there aren't really any big exciting things to report about September. Except for the fact that I survived it. I was pretty pumped about surviving it.

October 12th - My 22nd birthday!
And guess what I got for a present? A nephew!! Turns out Nathaniel was a few days late coming into the world because he knew if he held out a little longer, he could share his birthday with pretty much the coolest Aunt ever. Good call, my tiny bald friend.

November 26th-December 5th - Home!
I got to spend some time back in the woods of Upstate New York with my family for Thanksgiving. That was a pretty cool time, and I even got to see some of my US-2 friends who were placed in New Jersey. I got to sleep in my old bed, watch Syracuse basketball on TV and eat food I didn't cook. It was awesome. I also got to meet my nephew in person, who not only has an awesome birthday, but also had this great habit of falling asleep on my chest whenever I picked him up. I felt like the baby whisperer. And I'm definitely the favorite aunt. Just don't tell the others.

December 25th -First ever Christmas away from home
So, this Christmas was the first Christmas I've ever celebrated outside of Boonville. And while I really missed my family, we did have an excellent Christmas here. I dragged myself out of bed when my roommates made me get up and when I walked in the living room, the Christmas presents that I thought weren't going to be delivered from my parents until after Christmas were sitting under the tree. I guess the FedEx guy had dropped them off at about the same time I woke up. Tara made banana and chocolate chip pancakes and we drank orange juice out of wine glasses. Then we took turns opening our presents. We all got some great presents, and we had a blast. Then for dinner, my friend Kristina, who's a US-2 from Seattle, invited us to her house for Christmas dinner. That's one thing I've noticed about this program; our parents all seem to be pretty open to adopting other people's kids for the holidays.

December 31st - New Year's Eve
I ended 2013 playing Just Dance 3 with one of my roommates, her boyfriend and his dog. It was awesome.

And there you have it, folks. Some of the ups and downs from the last year of my life. It's been a crazy year, and I'm hoping that this coming year is just as crazy.

Thank you to everyone who has loved and supported me through this year. Thank you to everyone who has loved and supported me in years past. And thank you to those of you who will continue to love and support me in the future.

Happy (belated) New Year!!